It’s that time of the month again, where the creeping tendrils of insanity need the weed killer of memes.
But before I begin the round-up, it’s good to see that the NHS (National Hope-and-a-Prayer Service) in the UK is helping kids understand the complexities and consequences of the really, really, astonishingly, phenomenally, unimaginably, rare side effects of the Goo their idiot parents made them take.
You put your left arm in
Your left arm out
In, out, in, out*
You shake it all about
You do the hokey pokey
And you fall right down
That's what it's all about
Woah-oh, the hokey pokey
Woah-oh, the hokey pokey
Woah-oh, the hokey pokey
Knees bent, heart wrecked
Call 911
*repeat as necessary until you are fully boosted
But the idea of ‘boosting’ is not new at all. In fact, it was first described in the fledgling medical journal Trust Ye Goode Apothecary back in 1752
The NHS is also finally waking up to the fact that, these days, more and more men are becoming pregnant. Men have, traditionally, been rather clueless when it comes to the eldritch inner workings of women and so need extra advice when they find themselves up the duff. Relax, take the weight off your back, and watch a blu-ray
Maintaining a healthy diet, particularly if you have transitioned, is critical. Here is Dr Matt Walsh, expert on these matters, explaining why
If you’re the possessor of a brand new all-improved bougie coochie you probably don’t know how to operate it. You might need a manual. But it’s not all plain sailing and there are conditions (taken from an actual medical website1) which can be distressing
Only the very skilful have been known to cause vaginal paroxysms lasting an hour or two.
Dating, in these more gender variable times, has become something of a delicate thing - but it’s good to see young people still trying out the traditional approaches. Many women appreciate being complimented on their attractiveness2. For men, realising that the vision of loveliness before them might actually also have a brain comes a bit later.
If you’re not a Trekkie, this next one will be confusing - but it’s included for completeness
Sci-Fi shows have always only hinted at new technologies, and old Sci-Fi, in particular, can look a little dated now. When Star Trek was first made the technologies of today were not even on the horizon. It surprised me, therefore, that balloons are still a ‘thing’. Apparently, the Chinese have been harking back to more traditional technologies in their attempts to confuse Biden. Not to be outdone, and lacking the resources of either the US or China, the Canadians have launched their own low-budget research programme into surveillance technologies
New research has shown that, far from being the destructive force that Big Tech loves to censor, memes also have an educational role. The distinction between equity and equality is often hard for people to grasp and memes can help in this regard
Climate concerns haven’t gone away. Goblin-like creatures from Sweden are being playfully arrested for protesting new mines and sales of Arran sweaters have skyrocketed as people choose to save the planet, rather than turn their heating on. Their gracious sacrifice has been welcomed by St Klaus and his Climate Crusaders. Gas stoves are also problematic, but there’s a quick and easy low-tech solution. Using the proven science of GenderMagic™ the act of identification is really an act of becoming
The wizards performing GenderMagic™ are still insistent that kids know best. Which they do. Progressive hospitals are expanding their range of affirming surgeries. If your child thinks he or she is actually a T-Rex, you can now get their arms chopped off at the elbow with re-attachment of their hands
In gentler times the “coming of age” was a time of celebration, a milestone. It was a passage from childhood into adulthood. It is recognised today, by groomers everywhere, just how oppressive and discriminatory this traditional practice is. Even the great Tolkien deserves cancellation3
We may think we’re winning the propaganda battle on covid and the ‘vaccines’ with more and more people realising how dangerous the Goo is, but a recent article argued that the unvaxxed were guilty of murder because they kept schtum and didn’t warn the gullibly vaxxed about the dangers
And so, dear readers, we come to the end of our round up for today. Make sure your tin foil hats are in good working order - they saved more lives than any mask did.
In case you’re wondering, this is actually a typo (which I hope has since been corrected). They were talking about Vagal Arrhythmia.
Warning : if you’re as fugly as I am, do NOT try this approach. Compliments from a fat ugly unattractive bloke are defined legally as sexual harassment.
This is supposed to be the actual invite sent for the coming of age celebration for Christopher Tolkien. I have my doubts (given Photoshop), but it would be awesome, if true.
I really most protest most sternly against the labelling of Greta(tm) as a goblin.
Goblins (and hobgoblins) are from the celtic/gaelic (or is it gaylick nowadays?) tradition, while Greta's origins are germanic-nordic.
As such, the label "vätte" or "illvätte" is much more fitting if a nordic bent is desired, while kobold would suit purpose for a more germanic flavour.
"Vätte" would be my choice, not due to bias but because it does double duty as the swedish term for dummy bird, the kind used when hunting mallards and ducks. It should thus be obvious why "vätte" is the best choice for Greta(tm).
This has been a missive from the Office of Officious Pedantry; Subdivision Informal Esoterology (O.O.P.S.I.E for short).
Progressive hospitals are expanding their range of affirming surgeries.
………….
The use of the word range immediately after the reference to TRANSELECTRIC STOVES is brilliant, even if not intended.
The once readable Toronto Star used to have a page 2 humourist named Gary Lautens. He wrote a daily column from 1962-1992 titled LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE. And indeed it is.
Given the fact that Mr. Lautens long ago moved on to the next phase, the sane who prefer NORMAL rather than CRAZY can read the columns of the practical genius on this site or we can listen to the SOTU REBUTTAL of Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders.