Edit* : I get my East and West all muddled up here. I’ve always had a bit of a problem in this regard, but not with left and right. Please don’t take any travel directions from me seriously!
These days I’m beginning to wonder whether they’re putting hallucinogens in my morning coffee.
I wake up, fire up the coffee machine, and head to the computer to catch up with world events. Either there’s something in the coffee, or there’s a kind of interdimensional transit zone between the rooms. Whatever the reason, I end up looking at some truly bizarre, surreal stuff, and wondering what planet I’m on.
We start off our journey in this alternate universe in Colorado. I am a bit sketchy on US geography and affiliations, so I don’t know whether Colorado is in the Wokistan part of the US, or the Magastan part.
In order to protect democracy the Coloradans have decided to remove the candidate most likely to win an election from the ballot. Apparently, voting for Ming the Merciless Donald Trump would usher in an era of dictatorship and be terribly bad for democracy.
This is because he led an insurrection. I know schools in the US seem to only teach 3 words beginning with the letter ‘i’ - these are Inclusion, Identity and Indigenous - but they really need to add insurrection to the list - because I think some people in the US seem to have no clue what the word means.
The Don of Doom didn’t manage to break democracy, establish a dictatorship, or build a wall, during his first term in office but, rest assured, he will certainly do this kind of naughty stuff if he’s ever elected again. Trust us on this. We swear on Hunter’s laptop that it’s true.
And to top all of this he (allegedly) led the lamest, most insipid, “insurrection” in the entire history of insurrectionalismalising in the known galaxy.
Innocent - that’s perhaps another ‘i’ word that could be added, as in innocent until proven guilty. But that’s just such an extreme right-wing idea, these days.
Even judges don’t give a shit about that - at least not in Colorado.
It’s another of those surreal twists in which the people actually currently in the process of undermining democracy and behaving like dictators claim they’re doing it all to prevent the hypothetical threat of dictatorship and the destruction of democracy.
Nothing says “democracy” like the removal of free speech and the removal of your political opponents!
Some 1,000 miles West from Denver you’ve got Chicago which I was surprised to learn that even though it’s the murder capital of Illinois (and the US, it seems) it’s not the actual state capital.
It’s in Illinois, in the town somewhat ironically called Normal, do we meet another interdimensional being of the Cuckoo Cluster.
Here we have a professor no less, at Illinois State University, explaining what education is all about
It’s a case of don’t think - just emote
Feel bad about “justice”? Don’t worry your empty little heads about whether or not something is actually unjust or not - just dismantle the shit out of it anyway.
You can only address bad ideas with no ideas at all!
Moving west again from Chicago on our road trip across the United Surreal of America, in about another 700 miles we hit New York. Taking the scenic route north out of the city past Valhalla, you’ll eventually get to Armonk where IBM has its HQ.
The loony luminaries who are steering the good ship IBM have decided that being white is shit and have made their employees undergo training to learn all about just how shit being white really is.
But really it’s the good ally-ship they’re steering, because the job of all white people, everywhere, at all times, is to be an ally of those better, non-white, people. Here’s the training slide on how to be an ally.
Obviously the message from Illinois, that things should not be assessed for their “truth value”, hasn’t reached this speaker yet.
Apparently, according to this speaker, any white accomplishment has been stolen from non-white people (white theft) and then covered up (white erasure). He puts things right for us, and informs us that, actually, Beethoven was black1
Next month IBM will be taking their employees on a teambuilding awayday where they can put some of their theoretical ideas into practice.
If you decide to give IBM a miss and keep going north, you’ll eventually hit a place where even the most demented denizens of interdimensional surreal-space fear to tread. That’s right - you’ll arrive in Canada.
Canada’s sad decline into mesmerizing madness has been greatly accelerated by the rift in spacetime caused by the enormous pendulous artificial breasts worn by woodwork teachers there.
These rifts in sense-time are popping up everywhere, but we’ve always been a bit nuts here in the UK. Here’s Boris Johnson after being elected for the Uxbridge and South Ruislip seat in 2019
He was able to beat stiff opposition from Lord Buckethead, and Elmo (let’s not forget Elmo) and the UK breathed an enormous sigh of relief. We wouldn’t want a total pillock as our PM now, would we?
It looks like Boris’ party won’t be coming back for another term - they’re going to give someone else a chance to continue fucking things up. The guy who will probably be our next PM is Sir Keir Starmer who, when previously asked the wholly unfair and hugely complicated question of whether women have penises or not, said that 99.9% of women do not have one. I imagine he hasn’t personally checked whether his off-the-cuff2 statistic is true or not but, as the professor from Illinois tells us, the truth doesn’t matter anyway.
Sir Keir will obviously have to address this alarming rise in injuries if he becomes PM. The world is finally waking up to the fact that it takes balls to succeed in women’s sports.
One could argue that all of these examples (and the seemingly infinite supply of other examples) are just coming from some crackpot fringe weirdos. In one sense that’s true. Most normal people, who presumably haven’t been educated in Normal, if they’ve even heard of ‘woke’ at all would find it all a bit silly. Indeed - we’re seeing that quite a lot on 𝕏 where there’s significant pushback against the madness. Pre-Elon, of course, this pushback was not as evident.
But we’ve got Judges, Professors, CEO’s and Politicians - all seemingly heavily invested in the delirium. These are not, by any stretch of the imagination, fringe people. They are, one assumes, reasonably intelligent and highly-educated individuals who wield considerable influence.
What on earth is going on?
What the heck is being put in their coffee in a morning?
It can’t be the same stuff that’s going in mine because they appear not to have any sense of the absurd.
How broken does your absurd-o-meter have to be before you think the phrase “sex assigned at birth” is anything but the demented howlings of a diseased mind?
It’s been a good week for Gay bashing, but Harvard used to hire presidents of some weight. The president between 2001 - 2006 was one Larry Summers, an economist, and his CV is exactly what one might expect of the holder of such a position. He has an h-index of 138 (according to Google Scholar) which means he’s written 138 papers that each have at least 138 citations. This is no mean feat in academic circles - and all without any hint of plagiarism. But he was, amongst other things, also US Secretary of the Treasury and Chief Economist for the World Bank.
Larry, got himself into feminist hot water by suggesting that there may be reasons, other than brutal patriarchy and toxic masculinity, for why there was a sex disparity in maths and sciences. It’s true there were other rumblings and disquiet, but the controversy which this mild question engendered was a factor in his resignation from the Harvard presidency in 2006.
Even back then, the first rumblings of DIE-dementia were being felt.
Just to emphasize how crazy the crazy had already gotten, the reaction of an MIT biology professor (female - not specified whether she had a penis or not) to Summers’ controversial speech is fascinating. She said that she “felt I was going to be sick” that she had difficulty breathing, that the kind of “bias” displayed by Summers was making her “physically ill” and that she had to flee the room because otherwise she would have blacked out or thrown up.
This is back in 2006. The crazy was already firmly established, in academia at least.
Just the mere suggestion that there might be some factors other than the all-consuming and omnipotent patriarchy at play was enough to send this fragile bint into some kind of traumatic breakdown.
The way to break down the stereotype of the hysterical over-emotional woman is to behave as a hysterical over-emotional woman. Obviously.
It’s kind of like the mirror-image of that rancid Tate dude who’s the poster boy for toxic masculinity. He’s every bit as insufferable a tit as this biology prof from MIT.
How was all this shite not nipped in the bud? How has it been allowed to grow so much? How the hell do we reverse course?
If it carries on much longer I think I’m going to have to add some chemical additives to my coffee myself - just to block out the crazy.
How have we gone from the Enlightenment to this?
It’s tempting to see a conspiracy, that’s it’s all some dastardly plot by a shadowy cabal of neo-Marxist influencers, but is anyone really that smart or influential to have engineered all of this?
Maybe - but we’re talking some serious galactic-level manipulators here. People who could, as the saying goes, sell ice to the Eskimos.
Perhaps there really has been a series of interdimensional rifts and weird aliens on some galactic road trip have been sending us all tripping.
This phrase was suggested by an online Ebonics translator. The original was something like “I say, my good man, I have not the pleasure of understanding you”
and under the skirt
Chicago and Illinois are east of Colorado, as is New York City. Were you looking at your US map upside down while writing this? Or is this way the alternate universe you are talking about is set up? If the last is the case, you'd turn south to get to Canada, and going north would bring you to Mexico instead.
Western Colorado, west of the Continental Divide in the real universe is largely rural, human population-light MAGAstan country (home of that randy wench and bar owner, US Representative Lauren Boebert), while eastern Colorado is thoroughly Wokistan, land of the milling urban anthill masses making up most of Colorado's population, and home to the state capital ruled by the blue bloods, most of which evidently wish they were still in California. In the real universe, the urban Front Range of the Rocky Mountains (with the mountains immediately to the west, and the beginning of the Great Plains to the east) is east of the Continental Divide and is defaced along that north-south trending mountain/plain interface with almost contiguous metropolises from New Mexico to Wyoming -- including Denver and Boulder. Sort of like a California without the sea coast and beaches, and facing east to the plains, and not west to the Pacific Ocean.
Of course everyone (over the age of 40) knows all this is absurd! But saying so is an act of violence, tantamount to crying “that’s just a man with a fake beard!” at a mall Santa event for preschoolers. Don’t be such a meanie. The kind thing to do is to treat adults as incapable of making their own decisions (Colorado) (vaccine mandates) or of dealing with the truth (boys don’t have ovaries). God does, apparently, make mistakes, among them putting people in the wrong bodies and giving them free will.