The (Wrecking) Balls are Swinging

Like the hypnotic swing of a transgender athlete’s bollocks in a girl’s changing room, I’ve been stunned by the events of the last few weeks. However, unlike the unwelcome shock of seeing the male marbles mince about where they shouldn’t be, this shock is very welcome. And also unlike the waving of weird wrongness in a women’s space it’s absolutely appropriate in context.

I am, of course, talking about the appointment of Musk to oversee an audit of US government spending in his capacity as head of DOGE and the subsequent wrecking of (some) sensibilities.

At this moment in time I would describe it as the DOGE’s bollocks¹

It seems that almost daily we’re seeing new revelations about the levels of (deliberate?) ineptness and waste, if not outright malfeasance and corruption, that has baked itself into ‘the system’.

What’s every bit as shocking as witnessing the Todger Tango™ in a ladies changing room or loo, and every bit as unwelcome, is the response to this by many.

Instead of profound shock and anger at what Musk and his merry band of youthful spotty oiks are uncovering, they are angry at Musk and the process itself.

Somehow, the fact that trillions of dollars (unwittingly paid for by the US taxpayer over the years) has been wasted or has been siphoned off into all sorts of shadowy and unaccountable (and also unelected, nudge, nudge) organizations and individuals is of a lesser concern than the fact that Musk & Co are doing things in a different way and ignoring all the ‘due process’.

You what?

Shouldn’t you be delighted that Musk is potentially saving the country trillions of mis-spent dollars? Apparently not.

Oh, yes, there’s been absolutely massive levels of fraud and waste that’s been going on for years, but he’s uncovered it all in the wrong way. Oh, and he’s also unelected.

Seriously, do you hear yourself?

One of the chief criticisms is that Musk’s Marauders™ are bypassing ‘the rule of law’. I hear what they’re saying. But here we have a vast network of government spending, chock full of ‘process’ and rules and regulations with a whole system of laws that has proven itself unable (or unwilling) to uncover all of this for Lord knows how many years. We trust this ‘system’ to work and be able to do what Musk has done?

Hmmm. Strikes me about as unconvincing as a ‘woman’ with a bulge in the nether regions.

That’s why I view the actions of Musk’s Marauders™ as necessary, whilst also being cognizant of the potential dangers and the apparent eschewal of the established processes of the ‘democratic’ institutions involved.

It is, I suppose, the age old question of quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Or, who watches the watchmen?

One thing that is very clear is that the previous system, the one being currently battered by the Barbarian Balls of Beauty, was not fit for purpose, and did not work. That is, if your definition of being fit for purpose and working includes transparency, accountability and fraud-resistance.

The people who constructed the system and maintained it had none of these things amongst their primary goals it would seem.

And this is Musk’s fault, somehow? He’s the bad guy in all this?

It’s the whole “sharp as a tack” thing all over again. It’s an absurd perspective - bordering on insane. Musk has been given authority by the President of the US, no less, to do this. Just as Presidents before 47 gave their authority to other (unelected) officials to do stuff.

Does the US President have that authority? Dunno. I’m no legal scholar or expert on the US Constitution. But it’s all kind of a bit late now isn’t it? Even though there have been temporary legal pauses issued, trying to halt this process at this stage through some legal manoeuvre just looks like a cover-up, like they’ve got something to hide.

I don’t think this is going to play well for the Democrats - it’s not a good look to try to continue to cover up a level of waste, mismanagement and fraud on this scale.

Obviously those libs whose brains have been pan fried by the Woke Wok of Weirdness over the last decade or so will not understand why ‘business as usual’ is the last thing that was needed. They seem quite happy to be funding initiatives to increase lesbian, gay, queer, transgender and non-binary participation in farming. Because what the world really needs, right now, is a whole lot of queer farmers². And all sorts of other batshit crazy-ass stuff.

Amongst the many things that Musk’s team are uncovering is a staggering ineptness that appears to be deliberate. Fields in data that are absolutely critical for audit and monitoring purposes appear to have been deliberately left blank, ensuring that tracing that money is extremely difficult, if not impossible.

Remember, Musk is the bad guy here!!

It’s very clear, very clear indeed, that something has been going badly wrong³ with the whole system. That all of this has lain ‘dormant’ for so long is all the evidence we really need that some kind of ‘wrecking ball’ was long overdue.

Back when I’d changed from quantum research to crypto and security research at the industry lab I worked at, I had to get involved with ‘real world’ stuff. Instead of just pratting about with esoteric squiggles I also had to interact with customers. When there’s money, and your customer’s money, on the line you have to sharpen up and get a lot more serious.

Although I was often working on the crypto component (different esoteric squiggles than the quantum stuff), or helping to design the PKI and digital certificate structures to tailor them to customer needs whilst still being compliant with the relevant standards, I also had to be aware of ‘wider’ concerns. There were two important things we had to keep in mind (amongst others).

The first was that we had to do a good job on behalf of our clients. Neither we, nor they, could really afford to screw it up. Whilst it’s not quite the right relationship, it occurs to me that our governments do not really view us as ‘customers’ who are paying for a service (through our taxes). They seem to view us as some kind of ATM from which they’re entitled to make withdrawals as and when they see fit and without telling us what they’re using the money for.

The second thing, and it was probably just as important as all the fancy technology, if not more than, was the ability to monitor and audit the system. It was important to know when things weren’t working correctly. And quickly. Potential security incidents had to be flagged there and then (if possible) and dealt with. The ability to perform timely and effective audit and monitoring is critical.

The systems we worked on⁴ were fairly complex with many interacting components and with the best will in the world you can’t always predict when something is going to go a bit wonky. Even if it’s just some unforeseen coding issue and not some security breach it has to be dealt with as close to immediately as you can get.

Are you seeing anything like this sort of mindset when it comes to government ‘systems’ ? Because I’m not. In fact what DOGE has uncovered is quite the opposite to this mindset.

Would it ever have been uncovered without DOGE and their ‘naughty’ behaviour?

I seriously doubt it.

1. This is meant to be a compliment. Here in the UK there is a peculiar idiom where we (sometimes) describe a thing that is the best, the most appropriate, the most fit for purpose, as “the dog’s bollocks”. So, for example, if you’d bought a brilliant new lens for your camera and you loved it, you might describe it as “the dog’s bollocks”. I have no idea at all how, or why, this particular phrase came to be.

2. And would their chief output be things like carrots or cucumbers?

3. Or possibly right, if you were one of those benefitting from it

4. My role was limited to the crypto/PKI side of things, mostly at the initial ‘design’ stages. But I had to work closely with the larger team of people who would actually create and install the eventual systems.