As most of us normal folk try to keep up with the unfolding insanity that is the world in 2023, rest assured that unseen heroes are battling behind the scenes to make it all make sense for us.
Our governments have finally accepted that we’re all as dumb as a bowl of porridge and that we need to be protected from people who post obvious parodies - you can get 7 months in jail for posting stuff like this back in 2016
As US government spokesperson Tote Alcunt the Turd explained : this was too early and so we had to do something about it. In 2020 we achieved the “vote from home” electoral manipulation by using postal votes. We hope to have the text facility ready for 2024.
Scientists have, this week, put another nail in the coffin of cis-heteronormativity. They’ve discovered that all male anglerfish are, in fact, trans.
Gender is innate, even though it’s socially constructed, which has led paranormal researchers to conclude that clumps of cells are psychic. The fact that gender can be known even from the womb has birthed the concept of the “psychic foetus” - your little bundle of joy already knows whether xe or xir will like blue or pink.
Therapists have also been sounding the alarm. They’ve already had to develop techniques to overcome Netflix anxiety which is a distressing condition where someone spends hours flicking through Netflix’s catalogue without ever watching anything. There’s a new anxiety surrounding gender choice in which people never decide which of the 4,367 possible current genders they are.
There’s a pernicious form of this called future gender dysmorphia in which patients get anxious about newly discovered genders and whether the gender they thought was their innate one will turn out to be, innately, one of the newly discovered ones.
It’s getting tough out there with so many anxieties to choose to suffer from. The climate continues to cause mental health problems, but a new therapeutic technique - tested on at least 8 mice - has been rolled out in the last week or so
But even politicians, as massively more intellectually gifted than the general population as they are, have gaps in their knowledge. Who can blame Alexandra Occasional-Cortex for not being entirely up with math terminology for big numbers?
X (née Twitter) has been showing its compassionate side this week as thousands of people rushed to help out another trans person suffering from a mismatch of reality and expectation
The most helpful suggestion of “put a can of tuna up there” had to be subject to a community note, because it wasn’t made clear that one had to open the can first. Reader supplied context on Twitter is a great feature
Of course, the Experts™ are still warning us of the increase in viral infections that accompany the winter season - and we should all be aware of the symptoms
Pfizer have managed to rush out a new vaccine for this distressing condition - early indications are that it will be called the BlowJab™
In Canada - the world’s testing ground for weird shit - they are getting ready for the festive season. This year the Canadian government1 will be putting on a production of The Wizard of Oz
You’ll note that some people are still wearing masks to prevent themselves from catching a dose of the invisible penis virus.
Although it has long been suspected, scientists have finally confirmed this week that men and women support each other in very different ways
Women have also started to notice that men are getting attacked from all quarters. Some women have taken pity on us poor creatures and have decided to be more forgiving and tolerant. A recent study has shown that this can be dangerous - and has been linked to Sudden Death Syndrome (and you thought it was the vaccine, eh?)
In other, less controversial, news scientists have discovered a connection between potatoes and aquatic mammals
And that, my dear fellow travellers in LoonWorld 2023, is all I have for now.
Have a beautiful and blessed weekend.
And, yes, this pic is from some official government press conference in Canada
Thank you for this wonderfully funny post ! You circled the insanity quite nicely. With the speed of how everything is unraveling, I wonder what you’ll have for us in 2024!! Take good care 😉
Just curious - where do memes come from? Yours all excellent btw