One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Part 3

Covid has been a blessing. No, really, it has. Back in 2019 we were walking about in complete ignorance of just how deadly and dangerous our world is. Sars-Cov-2 was engineered to remind us of this - and we should be very grateful to the scientists and experts who have continued to stress just how terrible the world is if we don’t do the right things, say the right things, and think the right things.

But even non-scientists and non-experts have greatly helped.

Greta the Holy, the Green Goblin herself, took a break from lecturing the world on the environment to remind us all about the danger of unprotected microphones

And it seems we’ve finally woken up to just how deadly kids are. We always harboured a sneaky suspicion that the snot-ridden disease bags were a dastardly plot to wipe out the chosen, the noble and beautiful adults - but thankfully, at last, we’ve put in place things to mitigate against this awful plague of mini monsters.

In the hope that a few of them might grow into something vaguely human we still have to teach them - but it must be done safely. And if we let them play, we have to make sure they are properly disinfected. Even Santa, one of those suspicious weirdos who actually likes kids, had to be protected - although the usual advice to kids is to try to avoid a random stranger who hands out presents and asks that you sit on his lap.

Sometimes even adults had to be disinfected - although this is undoubtedly because of some unfortunate prior contact with the diddy diseased.

But at least we’ve made a lot of progress towards equality. Here’s the Hitler Youth of today, having been fully brought into the modern world by embracing diversity.

Even the stuff we feed our kids to ensure they grow up to be toothless diabetics was deemed too dangerous to handle

Parks and play equipment were discovered to be particularly dangerous - and these super-spreader environments had to be rigorously closed down.

As you can see, some of these places were deemed SO dangerous it required a responsible adult or two to defend them against misuse by these miniature malignancies.

This is the proper and correct way to bring up kids safely. Why did it take us so long to discover this science? What were scientists actually doing before 2020?

And of course we now know the safe way for kids to make friends

And why have we had to wait until now for scientists and developers to come up with appropriate equipment for the safe handling of babies?

It wasn’t only kids who were deemed far too dangerous to be allowed to roam free and unfettered. Hair could harbour all sorts of hidden dangers too

And assisted suicide was particularly dangerous. So dangerous, in fact, that you needed to be vaccinated against dying from covid, in order to die in another, safer, way

But the safe space of the week award has to go here. I have no idea whatsoever what is going on in this pic - and if any of you guys have a clue, I’d be grateful. It appears that some people wearing either bananas on their heads, or knitted cooling towers, are looking at another bunch of people in transparent portaloos. Or something.

** a thank you to Prof Freedom (@prof_freedom) from whose magnificent Twitter thread these pics have been lifted

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