It's all going splendidly well

Things are moving apace here in the UK. The Health Secretary, Mr Malteser-Head himself, has been at it again - as has Coco the Clown, our PM. I’m beginning to wonder whether we have Houses of Pharmament and not Parliament.

We’ve even announced a world first - the first death with Omicron. No longer can it be said that Alec Baldwin has caused more death than Omicron. It was probably some guy who fell off a ladder shouting “oh-my-God”, which was misheard. A very convenient death just before the vote on whether England will finally introduce vaccine passports.

But it’s OK, no need to unduly panic. We have the Glorious Goo. Two lots of GG aren’t sufficient, but according to Coco the Clown, “our scientists” say that the third dose of GG, which stimulates precisely the same antibodies as the first 2 doses, will be effective this time round (we promise, you can trust us). It’s that sciency magic again - works like fairy dust.

Meanwhile, in Israel, according to their scientists, it’s going to take a 4th dose to be effective against Omicron. Damn it. Should I be following UK science, or Israeli science? Or Dr Seuss?

There are signs a few more people are waking up. They’re saying things not too dissimilar to “We’ve got this Pfizer jizz squirting out of our frigging eyeballs, and we’re still talking about restrictions and lockdowns?”

Quite.

What is it going to take to end this “pandemic”? Perhaps when the only working antibody left in our bodies is one that acts against the great spike of doom?

Forgive me for being sceptical, but when nearly 2 years of various attempts at lockdown, masks, social distancing, one-way systems, and the miraculous GG, the safest and most effective vaccine ever known to mankind, has been thrust into us, and we’re still living in a scene from Nightmare on Pharma Street, I’m not seeing much progress here.

Of course it’s all because a minority of the population haven’t succumbed to the God-given goo. Back when we had 100% unvaccinated things were difficult. But now we have only 20% unvaccinated things are just as bad. Must be their fault, right?

Obviously.

It was those 20% wot dun it all along - if only we could have spotted these bastards back then. Taken them to camps, or something. Never mind, better late than never. We’ll be doing that soon.

But again, no need to panic. We can find these people. A new unit has been set up - to find those not on board with all of those things that haven’t worked. It’s called the Institute for Strategic Dialogue, which tweeted:

Today we launch a new series of reports on the global anti-lockdown movement, beginning with this paper examining how COVID restrictions have brought together a broad church of activists in a conspiracy-extremist movement we call a 'hybrid threat'

If you merely oppose lockdowns - you’re an extremist.

No doubt if you question the Holy Ejaculate of Pfizer, the Glorious Goo itself - you’re practically the re-incarnation of Osama bin Laden.

This virus was never all that remarkable to begin with. It caused a minor blip in age-adjusted excess mortality. We’ve had worse epidemics and pandemics in recent history. We absolutely would have been much better off by now if we had just “let it rip” (otherwise known as do what we do for flu).

Now with Omicron looking to be be a very much milder kind of Decepticon we really should just “let it rip”.

---