As any gentleman who’s gone commando, for whatever misguided reason, can attest, underwear is an essential item for more than just a sense of decorum. Getting one’s todger caught in a zipper ranks fairly high on the list of things in the I really, really, really, wish I hadn’t done that list.
So it’s with some degree of trepidation, and a fair amount of leg crossing, that I discuss the latest Gender Gibberish that has come to my attention.
The origin of this piece of penile panic comes from a TEDx talk given 3 years ago by one Laura A. Jacobs who is a NY-based psychotherapist focusing on fluent genderish, mixed in with a fair bit of kinkish.
If you watch the TEDx talk you’ll probably, like me, want to place more emphasis on the psycho part of her self-identified profession rather than the therapist bit.
You can see an edited short clip of the talk here on Twitter (1m 41s). Or if you want the thing in all its gory glory you can watch it on YouTube (12m 31s)
The slogan on the stab vest (?) is “Trans Visible” and not, as one might think, “Trans Risible”.
If you want a little more detail on Laura and the activities he/she/it (really, this should be shortened to heshit) enjoys then Reduxx have a nice piece to read at your leisure, but probably not on a full stomach.
Remember that organisation that is self-styled1 as the world’s authority on all things ‘trans’? The organisation that thinks “eunuch” is a gender? That one?
It will come as no surprise that Laura is associated with WooPATH and has influenced their standards of “care”2.
The central problem, as it always is when one spouts genderish, is that there does not exist a fully-coherent and meaningful definition of what gender actually IS. It’s one of those rather vague, subjective, things that we’re all just supposed to ‘know’ what it means.
Try, for example, taking the claimed ‘gender’ of eunuch and seeing how it fits with the various ‘definitions’ of gender one can find. Trying to define what gender is by referencing examples of so-called ‘gender identity’ is an exercise in circularity. Or try taking the claimed gender of genderfluid which is a gender that can change genders at will. Perhaps it’s a kind of meta-gender? One wonders what the gender of someone who changes between the genders of genderfluid and non-genderfluid is?
Who the fuck knows?
Anyway, we soldier on and accept that, for some people, the term ‘gender’ does appear to make some sort of sense. It might just be my own limitations, or that I haven’t found the right Rosetta stone to decode the gibberish. Perhaps I need a 2nd grader to explain it all to me after they’ve been through hours of education about it. In return I’ll help them with their maths, because they’ll be shit at that with our modern ‘educational’ priorities.
What did this monstrous fruitloop actually say that has caused much amusement on social media this last week?
Here, as I probably shouldn’t say in this context, is the money shot.
“Medical interventions allow some of us to change our primary and secondary sex characteristics… but it’s clear that cisgender bodies are still the reference point. Will technology give us options that are artistic and creative? Do we have to stick to penis and vagina norms? Can we have genitalia that look like flowers or abstract sculpture? Can we have multiple? Can they be interchangeable?”
I’ll give you a few moments for you to stop giggling.
I was quite excited by all of this and called up my local Gender Architect, Dr Josef Mangeler3, to discuss options. I was going to say we discussed it all over a few cocktails, but that probably brings up the wrong kind of image. How many tails would you like on your cock, Sir?
Could he, I wondered, give me one of these?
He wasn’t happy with option 1 as he felt that it would be blackpiece and offensive to those with a POC cock. Option 3 was also ruled out because he said I didn’t have the required length of source material to work with. Option 4 he felt was technically challenging at the moment, but he might be able to do something like it in a few more years.
Option 2 it was then. He asked how big I wanted it because he thought it might make a good sail if I ever wanted to do a trans-Atlantic crossing.
I almost wish I could go back to the days when my email inbox was flooded with all sorts of devices that promised to make option 3 achievable. I wonder whether I’ll start seeing ads for interchangeable genitalia?
It will add further spice to the dating scene, though. “I’m sorry, we’ll have to go back to my place. I put the wrong one on today”.
Problems with your genitalia? No worries. Call ScrewFix.
I look forward to the dismantling of all those “penis and vagina norms”.
I just can’t wait.
It will make the porn industry even more diverse. Did you say you wanted Pony porn or Peony porn?
What a great time to be alive.
Or perhaps “identifies as”?
Or, as I like to describe it, “How to really fuck kids up and get away with it”
Pronounced as “mangler”
It’s weird that the people who believe they’re the creators and defenders of “queer” are the same people who obsess about “cisgender” and “normativity.” We normies are really not the ones claiming that sex organs are created (or should be) on some kind of assembly line or need to comport precisely with one’s identity. In fact, I have no idea what the genitalia of almost everybody I’ve ever known looks like, never think about it, assume variation is normal, but also know (having encountered both trans people and, in one memorable instance abroad, a group of eunuchs) that I don’t need to see what’s down there to know either your gender identity or whether you’re a woman or a man. When I meet a man who is living as a woman, the telltale sign is never the trouser bulge but rather a quality that cannot be given or taken away by even the most talented surgeon.
Being a lazy got, I'll c+p my comment on Chris Bray's Stack on this topic:
"Quantum genitalia, in other words: you ain't never sure until you look.
I guess it's people like her that create the market for sex-toys that looks like pretty much anything but /human/ genitalia.
Just wait until robots become even more affordable. Why settle for a humanoid sexbot? Why not a Gieger Xenomorph sexbot? And how about neural implant-links directly to cyberspace?
If you see a guy with a red beard streaked with grey, clutching a towel in one hand and sticking his thumb out, hitch-hiker style, it's me trying to wave down a UFO to get of this planet."
To that I'd like to add two horrible things:
1) There actually is a market for non-human genitalia-shaped sex-toys. Both from real animals and fictional beasts. Do. Not. Search. For. This. Love-craftian in the truest sense of the word. Horror.
2) The above includes both things for sticking into people, and things for people sticking it into. Such as a Xenomorph-head shaped receptacle for "male-coded" genitalia.
3) When we were in 8th grade (age 14-16 dep. when in the year you were born) and class-mate did get his scrotal sack caught in his zipper, because he was in a rush. He was carried by two grim orderlies (back then, our ambulance staff didn't need neither medical training nor driver's licenses; not kidding) into an ambulance, got a week off from school and two weeks off from gym class.
I will never - ever - forget the sound he made.