Blongleflipping in Nardle Throbbleswitch

A Woke Speech in all its Glory

I was reading the humorous, but serious, piece by Frank and Louie on Heterodox STEM’s substack about the woke goings on at UMass Boston. You can read the whole piece for yourself at the following link - it’s very good.

The staging of Woke Cancer

In it there’s an audio of an excerpt from something called a “convocation speech” given by the Provost in Fall 2021. It has to be heard to be believed, but I’ve done my best to transcribe it below.

I wasn’t entirely sure what the exact meaning of convocation was - and based on this speech I kind of wondered whether it was a synonym for deranged and demented, but apparently it just means a formal assembly of some kind - particularly in academic or ecclesiastical circles. Academic it certainly wasn’t, but it fits neatly within an ecclesiastical setting because the speech is one of religious fervour.

After listening to the speech you’d want to run a mile from this provost bloke, or get him some kind of professional help.

Yes, love, you have to steer clear of nutters¹.

A picture was taken of the student response as several students suffered injury when they attempted to flee from the deranged ramblings. It has only just come to light through my dedicated Google searching, which took me several seconds longer than my usual average search time of 2 minutes.

Without further ado, here’s the transcript of the audio clip, together with my interspersed comments, and I’ve used boldface to denote where the speaker placed particular emphasis :

It is also clear that this pandemic, the covid19 pandemic, has exacerbated and laid bare the racialized inequities that have long permeated every aspect of our society

Another insufferable buffoon who thinks there was a pandemic (presumably because the WHO et al told him so and not because he did any thinking for himself). But, of course, we should never miss the opportunity to let a crisis, however imaginary, to hammer those racist nails home. It affected whitey, but it was worse for non-whitey. Quelle surprise.

It has long permeated (is that like long covid?) every, yes every, no really, I’m telling you every, aspect of our society.

One sentence in and we’re already off to a good start.

You should also note that he very nearly says “inequalities” instead of “inequities”, but just manages to stop himself from committing this grievous sin.

Recognizing that we are embedded in a society that perpetuates systemic racism, oppression, discrimination, and being cognizant of the inherent whiteness that has, and continues, to dominate and define higher education, writ large, we choose, we choose, to confront and reject this, the scourge of systemic racism in all of its forms.

It’s everywhere. We’re embedded in it. And society is just perpetuating it. It’s strong stuff this systemic thing - decades of affirmative action and the last couple of decades of excoriating white people have made nary a dint in this; we’re still stuck in this invisible racist gloop. Our systems, yes our systems, have this systemic stuff, that is systemically perpetuating the system.

We need to tear down the system, all systems, and replace them with some other systems that are not as systemically bad as the old systems. Because, reasons.

And, Oh My God, all of that inherent whiteness. Nasty stuff, that is. It just dominates everything. Can’t tell you what it actually is - but it sounds like it might mean something.

But it’s worse than just being nasty. It defines higher education². And not just in a small way - but writ large.

I’ll be rejecting all this systemic stuff and this whiteness stuff just as soon as you can define it. What’s that? You’re not too hot on understanding what the word “define” actually means?

I choose, I choose, to think of you an as absolute tit, a knob of galactic proportions, the epitome of bellends, until you can define and explain what in the name of Ibram X. Kendi’s crusty socks you’re talking about.

Maybe there weren’t a lot of people there because this brave and fearless academic community had been convinced they were in mortal danger of this virus that barely affects anyone under the age of 60, but more likely they all felt safe, because everyone had been rendered safe by the Magic Goo of Pfizer. But the applause at this stage was laughably half-hearted.

And on our campus here we continue to build on a unique mission, on an historical passion for promoting inclusion, equity, and social justice. Yet we have no laurels to rest on. We must continue to work harder, accomplish more, be innovative, as opponents of the inherent whiteness, racism and anti-blackness that continues to dominate our society and institutions of higher education.

All of that historical passion seems not to have done you much good - because all of this whiteness stuff still continues to dominate.

And isn’t it nice to have a unique mission? One that sounds exactly like the mission of every other institute of higher wokeness education.

Do you have any specific goals in mind? Is there some definable end point here? What, precisely, are you working towards and how will you know when you have achieved it?

Presumably, despite all of that historical passion, you still need to do more, to get somewhere, wherever that may be. How can you tell how far you are along the way to achieving your utopian vision?

Never in the field of human education was so much work done to achieve so little.

We shouldn’t be judging people on the content of their character, or their academic achievements, but on how much whiteness they’ve been able to rid themselves of. I suppose the clever researchers at UMass Boston could devote themselves to developing some test, like a PCR test, that will be able to tell us whether someone is ideologically healthy and whiteness-free.

On campus attendance will only be permitted with an Ideology Passport that works in a similar way to a Vaccine Passport.

And what is anti-blackness? Is this some sub-discipline of racism? I got my degree in bigotry with a minor in anti-blackness?

And what’s the difference between blackness and whiteness?

Is it OK to be anti-whiteness but not OK to be anti-blackness?

This is clearly a pivotal moment. It’s a pivotal moment for the world, for our society, but it’s also a truly significant new chapter for UMass Boston. We are here together moving into a future with renewed dedication to our commitment to equity and anti-racism, to becoming a leading anti-racist and health-promoting institution.

Such a pivotal moment. For the world. My sources in China tell me Xi Jinping thought so too, as did Narendra Modi in India. They were just bowled over by this speech and vowed to put in the work and do better. They have both recently been seen in Starbucks reading White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo.

Meanwhile, Xi Jinping was able to accurately define what higher education is all about without using the word equity once.

Whilst universities in our “enlightened” west are tying themselves in knots about how much whiteness they have to eliminate, universities in China are churning out some really good research³.

And it’s good to see the promotion of health. I wish I’d gone to a university like this; my university just spent all its time promoting illness.

The only thing that’s pivotal about any of this can be found in a mug of tea.

And in this short excerpt - a whole 3 minutes to say almost nothing - we see the woke laid bare. A bunch of vacuous tits; tons of rhetoric, nanograms of substance (if you’re lucky).

I’m off to practice my Blongleflipping in Nardle Throbbleswitch.

1. In case it isn’t crystal clear here, I’m only talking about steering clear of nutters, and not about other people we might also warn our kids to steer clear of.

2. And here’s me thinking higher education was about more advanced learning. Silly me.

3. Traditional research, and not the “Semiotic Disambiguation In Heteronormative Contextual Systems of Oppression” kind of Research™