WHO, WHO we're the Monkeys

If you’re of a certain generation you’ll remember The Monkees. I remember they had a show which was played on UK TV on Saturday mornings, back in the day. The opening titles had their eponymous song which went something like this :

WHO, WHO, we're the Monkees
And people say we monkey around
But we're not too busy lying
To put everyone in lockdown

At least I think they’re the lyrics as best as I can make out (2m 30s)

Apparently there’s this virus thing (again). It was going to be called Buttpox, but they decided this was offensive to a certain demographic and so they called it Monkeypox.

Big mistake. As we all know Monkeys are the most racist animals on the planet. Any right-thinking person upon seeing the word ‘monkey’ automatically thinks of a black person. Don’t they?

Apparently, it’s only ‘progressive’ people who are afflicted with this automatic association - a kind of woke Pavlovian response.

Just how spectacularly racist does one have to be to immediately think of a black person upon hearing the word monkey?

But the WHO in their infinitesimal wisdom have decided it was offensive and so the Pustules of Prejudice are now said to be caused by mpox.

They tried to scare us with it in 2022. There was one minor problem. Not many people were getting it - and those that were seemed to have a certain fondness for lots of uphill gardening.

But it is, we are told, back with a vengeance in an all-new improved form that doesn’t require hefty amounts of same-sex spelunking to be at appreciable risk.

And that risk is severe. It could go global. It might even be worse than the previous Worst Thing That’s Ever Happened To Mankind™; covid.

Oh no. Whatever are we going to do?

First thing we need to do is to round up all those fucking monkeys and make sure they’re wearing masks.

Except when they’re sitting down. They can take them off then.

Then we need lots of one way signs and Perspex screens in the African jungle.

If we’re really, really, really, lucky some fabulous and amazing Experts™ can operate at warped speed and create a vaccine (Praise Be Unto The Holy Vaccines) for us.

Then we can all spelunk to our heart’s content - but only with other vaccinated people.

Rejoice for Thou Hast Been Saved (in a safe and effective manner).

If they’re even luckier with this new Deadly Plague™ it may peak just around the time to require people to have to stay at home and use postal ballots.

Climate Warrior, as he so often does, has the best solutions :