We will own everything, and we will be happy

Inexplicably in the midst of very realistic rising concerns over food shortages the Dutch government decided to ESG the Dutch farmers. I’m not sure what ESG means, but it appears to stand for “Exterminate, Suppress, Grind”.

The (very hypothetical) degree or two of warming predicted by the end of this century is considered much more serious, and dangerous, than the immediate very real danger of malnutrition or starvation.

I’m not very good at making predictions for anything as complex as a society but one thing I’m 100% certain of is that Darth Schwab won’t be eating ze bugs.

Meanwhile in a US that has gone from energy independence to approaching energy poverty in just 2 short years it seems that Manboobs Gates is buying up huge swathes of farmland. Nothing to worry about - it’s probably some psychophilanthropy going on designed to save the planet and its people.

The US has a president that seems to be quite good at reading teleprompters, sniffing hair, and propping up the bank account of his son, but with little discernible talent for anything else. The bloviating moron we had as Prime Minister in the UK has resigned, probably to cut greenhouse gas emissions which rise alarmingly every time he gives a speech.

Putin is continuing to piss about in Ukraine and more money from the magic money tree has been found to help Zelensky buy some more prime real estate and to help out the arms dealers who have been having a pretty tough time financially after the gifting of billions of dollars of equipment to the mostly peaceful and mostly tolerant Taliban. You can’t just give people free stuff and not expect there to be consequences!

In lesser news Bette Midler and Macy Gray have both apologized for suggesting that being a woman has anything at all to do with biology. I would say they should grow a pair, but that seems to be, ummm, biologically impossible.

Matt Walsh’s documentary continues to cause consternation amongst experts. I still don’t know why the documentary was made. We know what a woman is. A woman is someone who swims more slowly than Lia Thomas.

After the trauma of seeing too many ugly faces again lots of people seem to be arguing that mandatory masking should return. Apparently, the people who were led like lambs to the slaughter jabbed are finding that the mysterious concoction they gleefully got squirted into their bodies is not working too well and they’re getting sick, several times, with covid. Weird that. I’ll have to look up the definition of ‘vaccine’ again sometime soon.

Meanwhile lots of people are dying after a “mystery illness” and doctors and experts are totally baffled. They just can’t figure out what changed in 2021/2022 that could be causing it. Probably climate change - so let’s stop all of those cows from farting. Just to be on the safe side. If it saves one life. And soy milk isn’t that bad even if it does end up giving us blokes a more impressive rack than Manboobs Gates. On the plus side we’ll be able to breastfeed all of the babies that aren’t being born as birth rates plummet. Chestfeeders of the world unite!

Finally some good news, though. Scientists at CERN have smashed together two genderons, the cis-heterino and the trans-neutris, and discovered a new gender to add to the already impressive list of newly discovered genders. The Standard Muddle of particle physics will need re-interpreting in a more inclusive way.

The superb engineers at Google have added a new feature to their translation algorithm. You can now translate text in either regular hair colour or blue hair colour, and it is hoped this will enable a deeper understanding of the complex and baffling language of wokespeak which has replaced English as the de facto standard.

As petrol/diesel prices continue to soar we can be reassured that there’s an easy and convenient solution. Just buy an electric car. Much better to use the diesel to generate the electricity to charge your car at one of the millions of charging stations that haven’t been installed.

And, whatever you do, never, ever, go nuclear.

Whilst Darth Schwab is thinking BIG, the rest of us need to think small. It’s the only way out for humanity so that the power and privilege can continue to be concentrated with those who truly deserve it. And on the plus side it will also solve the problem of racism.

It seems we’re hurtling towards some hideous real-life re-enactment of The Hunger Games - and most of us aren’t going to be in District 1. Progressives progress, but I think a little de-volution is required.

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