2023 has proven, once again, that there’s nowt so queer as folk. As the colon of insanity meets the upward thrust of reality, we are reminded that filling your chamber in the chamber, and filming it, might not be the best career move you’ll ever make.
When the news first broke about some Whitehouse aide called Aidan, who took an office dalliance to the next level, my first thought was:
Well, you can’t top that
I’m not as outraged as some. It’s just the governmental version of a quickie in the back alley at the factory. I may be one of the few people on earth who hasn’t photocopied their southern mountain range in the office.
Aidan is said to be somewhat butt hurt by his subsequent treatment. The place wasn’t being used for official business at the time so why shouldn’t he be allowed to add a festive contribution to the youporn.gov website? It’s probably more wholesome than the Christmas dance commissioned by Mrs Dementia.
He’s a victim of cisheteronormativity which disdains public displays of affection.
Does the Whitehouse have a particular problem with baggage handlers, we wonder?
A colleague of Aidan was said to be distraught on his behalf; “Chasing the chutney ferret is an important part of the work we do. I don’t think there should be any further probe into Aidan”.
It has traditionally been very difficult for gay men to insert themselves into the deepest recesses of power, and this incident shows that times haven’t changed much.
We’ve heard that Oh Come, All ye Faithful is to be included in the Whitehouse Christmas carol service this year. Although Unto Us is Born a Son has been dropped because the lyrics to verse 5 are thought to be too suggestive given recent events :
O and A, and A and O,
Cum cantibus in choro,
Let our merry organ go,
Benedicamus Domino.
I’ve not seen the video so I can’t comment on whether Aidan’s organ was merry, or whether both O and A were involved.
Aidan’s treatment has been very unfair. After all, he was only displaying one of the highest Christian virtues by turning the other cheek.
I do have to wonder, however, at Aidan’s defence which he posted on LinkedIn :
While some of my actions in the past have shown poor judgement, I love my job and would never disrespect my workplace . . .
One can only assume that he thinks being royally rogered in a senate chamber, and filming the process, does not constitute “poor judgment”. I shudder to think what his prior lapses of judgement entailed.
It seems he’s been a bit of a daft bugger in the past.
The video was intended for consumption on a private group for “gay men in politics” which hosts a variety of members. It can be found just after the section on How to Lubricate the Corridors of Power. Unfortunately, the video was leaked - which was probably not the only thing leaking.
The Whitehouse is, of course, no stranger to scandal. I seem to vaguely recall some degree of kerfuffle when someone called Monica smoked the President’s cigar. Not sure of the details, but it all hinged on the precise meaning of words like “is”. At least no one called Epstein was involved. I understand that he was too well-hung for comfort.
As the mysterious white powder of destiny settles on the corridors of power, we’ll consign this to the airport carousel of history as the stolen baggage of desire fades into memory.
Perhaps the only crime Aidan has committed is receiving swollen goods, and that maybe too hard for some to swallow, but it’s probably not worthy of analyzing to any great extent.
We wish Aidan all the best and ask for forgiveness during the holiday season; we hope he can continue to display his Christmas baubles proudly.
In sadder news, this week I learned of the death of Albert Acrostic, former world anagram champion :
May he erect a penis.
Aidan also said “I have been attacked for who I love to pursue a political agenda.”
I am reminded that back when I was a young lady reading the wholesome literature of bygone days, I thought gay meant cheerful and making love was flirting. Now, still naive in my middle age, I have come to the realization that the very meaning of word “love” has changed and now signifies, perhaps, a more vulgar synonym for what the act that “making love” euphemistically and optimistically came to refer to.
Love is love, that pastel yard sign staked in front of suburban homes and churches alike, just got a whole lot more profane. Thanks for that, Aidan! You have a new calling, son, as a primary school librarian or teacher. When two people really, really love (cough) each other and respect each other as human beings and not just two sacks of flesh designed to bring each other a temporary crackpipe rush of physical pleasure, they get out their iPhones and hit record. Pride!
Alimentary articles like this notwithstanding, the Congress routinely uses that room to do it to the people collectively, so it’s understandable if a staffer thought it was ok individually.