Tell me I’m not the only one. I can’t be the only person in the world who, upon reading the news every day, finds themselves thinking
“These people have the IQ of a potato”
It’s important that we all express our support for Hamash.
In less important news, I learned that Mr & Mrs Potato-Head have finally parted ways this week. He said that her behaviour had become increasingly croquettish over the years.
Many of us are really struggling financially, but potatoes are still just about affordable. And so in my spare time I’ve been trying to develop an inexpensive musical instrument made from a potato. If I’m successful, I expect a substantial increase in the number of tuber players out there.
Whilst doing my usual 4 minutes and 37 seconds’ research for this article I discovered something called Clapshot, which originates in Orkney, Scotland. It wasn’t clear to me whether this was a potato dish or a vaccine that is useful to protect you against misadventures with your meat and two veg.
There are some serious questions that need to be addressed, however. For example, if you like reggae and grated potato does that mean you’re a Rostifarian?
Which is a neat segue into the serious part of today’s half-baked stew. I’m sorry for the Pa-tato humour. But I suppose one must attempt to be serious for a fraction of the day - something that’s getting increasingly difficult with the deluge of deranged drivel that appears in my daily news feed.
Switzerland is the home of the rosti. Along with alpine horns and yodelling, it’s one of their greatest contributions to the world.
Oh, yes, and also these guys
As if their colourful outfits and masks weren’t enough to scare away the CoronaDoom™, these poor sods were also mandated by the Pontifical Prick to get the Pfizer Prick.
Even the pope has the IQ of a potato, it seems.
But the Swiss must also be one of the greatest contributors to global warming. At least that’s the only way I can interpret a recent ruling by the European Court of Human Rights in Strasbourg.
The gist of the ruling is that the court found that the human ‘rights’ of a bunch of demented Swiss wrinklies had been violated because Switzerland had not done enough to tackle climate change. From the BBC article
The Swiss women, called KlimaSeniorinnen or Senior Women for Climate Protection, argued that they cannot leave their homes and suffer health attacks during heatwaves in Switzerland.
I’m a little perplexed. If Switzerland went all green-ga-ga tomorrow, and decided to yodel Kumbayah round their solar-powered campfires, how would this prevent heatwaves in Geneva?
And what in the (carbon neutral) blazes is a “health attack”?
They’ve been attacked by health?
Of course, Tater Thunberg just had to get involved, didn’t she? Here she is pictured with one of the Swiss fruitcakes
The judges presumably thought that Switzerland hadn’t done enough to chip away at the problem of climate change. And that hordes of Swiss grannies had been confined to their homes as a result, and had also experienced some unwelcome hot flushes.
Oh that climate change - it’s terrible stuff. It’s worse than covid.
I’ve only been to Switzerland once and my overriding memory is being woken up at some ungodly hour by cow bells. Perhaps it’s an excess of bovine flatulence in Switzerland that has this court all in a fritter?
Maybe they haven’t shoved enough spuds up cow’s arses to mitigate the effect? Probably something like that.
Anyway - those terribly negligent folk in the Swiss government have violated the ‘rights’ of these senile old bats. And that’s that.
But we should never let our peelings get in the way of the facts and, so, I wondered just how hot is this Switzerland place? It must be some kind of fucking inferno if grannies are being deliberately discombobulated by the devilish neglect of the Swiss government which has resulted in conditions that are even worse than the climate of Venus.
According to the website Climate to Travel, it is indeed a super-dangerous place.
Thank God it’s a little cooler in Davos. It only reaches a bit less than the moderately hellish extreme of 25 degrees Celsius there. I do so worry about the health of our elites.
Honestly, how do these octogenarian worrybags even manage to survive at all?
The era of global boiling is indeed upon us.
It should be noted that some tiny twiglet of sanity did prevail at the court. A group of precocious Portuguese prats, aged 12-24, claimed they were unable to go outside to play and suffered from climate anxiety. The court dismissed this case on the grounds that 24-year olds should bloody well be working instead of playing1. Monsieur Le Spudhead, a former mayor of a French town, also had his case dismissed. He claimed that his former town was in danger of being submerged by the inaction of the French government. The judges, who had to visit the town, said it was a bloody awful place and should be submerged anyway2.
It would seem that in today’s potato-world we still haven’t learned that too much carb is bad for you.
We need to be carb-neutral instead of carbon-neutral.
And just in case you’re fond of Emmental, another of Switzerland’s creations, perhaps you should try these tasty sandwiches
I made that up. Their case was dismissed because it needed to be heard in Portugal first, and not because it was fucking insane.
OK, I made that up too. The case was dismissed because Mayor Le Dick did not live there (or, indeed, in France) anymore and not, again, because it was fucking insane.
I like that picture of Greta and the old lady.
"Who are you?"
"I'm you from the future!"
Love the puns. As we sometimes say here: "Potatoes make for a good and nourishing drink".
Right now, it’s 30 degrees at 10 pm in south India. I would like to know what the local elected officials are doing to remedy this unfortunate situation.